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Vertigo Away

by Fishgrape

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1.
I laid restless in my bed As I watched the thoughts unsaid Dance across my empty brain A repentant truth remained I was living life on mute Playing myself like a lute And, like a camera flashed my eye, I felt lifted to the sky. But I’ve got to get some sleep tonight Another day, another sight Wake up early when it’s bright Another chance to make this right And you can’t take my life away I was going to make a change Oh, what will my mother say? Can’t you wait another day? Give me the light Give me the dark Give me the news Give me the truth Give me the light Give me the dark Give me the news Give me the truth I stood helpless in a box I was laid down and detoxed I was picked at like a frog I was beaten like a dog I was sent down a new man Oh, Lord, I’ll do what I can I will live my very best Once I get some fucking rest Oh, I’ve got to get some sleep tonight Another day, another sight Wake up early when it’s bright Another chance to make this right And you can’t take my life away I was going to make a change Oh, what will my mother say? Can’t you wait another day? Give me the light Give me the dark Give me the news Give me the truth Give me the light Give me the dark Give me the news Give me the truth Give me the light (gotta have something) Give me the dark (better than nothing) Give me the news (gotta have something) Give me the truth (gotta have nothing) Give me the light (gotta have something) Give me the dark (better than nothing) Give me the news (gotta have something) Give me the truth (gotta have nothing).
2.
They won’t find me underground With all this drip-drop all around As the bombs go off outside I know they won’t hear me cry Oh, the sewer, what a great disgrace A fear my nightmares couldn’t face A hundred cans of beans by my side Yet only eight of these baby wipes These robots have taken over my world Yet I’m sitting here thinking How do I talk to this girl? So I could say “I love you” in Spanish You see, I think she had a glitch A flawed, almost human itch She’s just like you and me Fluent in Spanish and binary And she’s keeping me company She’s gone rogue, no interest in mutiny An artificial intelligent love Sent down from the chaos above I’ve been dreaming of a wedding But how do I change the language setting? So I can say “ I love you” in Spanish I don’t know how to say “I love you” in Spanish If she’s single-arity I’ll never be circuit bored She’s taken my mind off the end of the world Transhumanist lover sent to me by the Lord I tried to take her top off but I think I hit a cord Was she programmed to incite these feelings of love? No, she’s more than just my Doomsday white dove I’m obsessed I don’t know how to say “I love you” in Spanish I don’t know how to say “I love you” in Spanish
3.
My love was like no other love I had to push, I had to shove To keep this love here in my life And now it cuts just like a knife You said you weren't happy here How could our love just disappear? Can you feel it in your core? Why don't you call me anymore? And now my eyes are getting sore I cry and fall down on the floor You never call me anymore Why don't you call me anymore? I look down and my shoes are red My memory fills me up with dread Why did you walk out of my door? You never call me anymore. I couldn't put that shit behind me Your family wants them to come find me I'll be here when they bang upon my door You never call me anymore You never call me anymore I didn't mean to turn you off At least not in the literal sense But you wanted to move on And, of course, I took some offense I couldn't put that shit behind me Your family wants them to confine me I'll be here when they bang upon my door You never call me anymore Why don't you call me anymore?
4.
Do you really understand The pain and strife of a mortal man What it’s like to truly be all alone? In outer space all by yourself Wish you could be anywhere else Find a tempo you could call your own And I’m not the man you think I am I’m taking over this shit, that’s my master plan And your love ain’t enough anymore You said “I don’t usually talk to men who leave the toilet seat up But you’ve made me change my mind” I’m generally anxious and surgically depressed With you, I'm less inclined to cross the line That’s the intention, intention It’s too stupid to mention, to mention Are these thoughts intrusive If they aren’t really thoughts of note? Why is “half-empty” pessimistic When the other half is down my throat? My therapist says to drive forward on The road ahead and don’t look back But what the hell am I to do? The road ahead is a cul de sac. I was like “I don’t want to fall in love, I just want to dance” “I’m sick and tired of this life, I just want to dance” But that’s the intention, intention It’s too stupid to mention, to mention That’s the intention, intention It feels stupid to mention, did I mention? I think I did, I think I did But I'm not the man you think I am Because I'd pack it all up in a U-Haul van If I found a tempo I could call home Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night Take everybody at the party and you’re doing it right Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night Saturday night Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night “I don’t want to fall in love, I just want to dance” “I’m sick and tired of this life, I just want to dance” “I don’t want to fall in love, I just want to dance” “I’m sick and tired of this life, I just want to dance”; It’s a blessing It’s a curse Don’t get me started on taxes “I don’t want to fall in love, I just want to dance” “I’m sick and tired of this life, I just want to dance” Though I’m not the man you think I am If I am misunderstood, it’s by my own hand The one thing I always hide is my true soul. “I don’t want to fall in love, I just want to dance” “I’m sick and tired of this life, I just want to dance” (But that’s the intention, intention) (Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night) (It’s too stupid to mention, to mention) (Take everybody at the party and you’re doing it right) (That’s the intention, intention) (Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night) (It feels stupid to mention, did I mention?) (Feeling good and feeling haughty on a Saturday night)
5.
She picked the wrong, wrong time to panic Sadder songs tend to make her manic She was hoping he'd come around earlier She was pacing at the top of the stairs in her head She drops her standards in the light of limerence Regretful, but it helps emphasize her indifference Too bad that part came at the end, she worries it was all pretend You've really got to get that fix out your mind You've really got to starve habits down behind Every time you get another, you just feed it still. Audrey II leeching off her neck (Bites her fingers) An illusion of a smile, courtesy of Quentin Beck (The feeling lingers) And a cadaver's looking down from below the grave! Am I digging the sky? Am I really that depraved? Or am I n-o-v-e-l? I can't tell I've really got to get that fix out my mind (yes, you do) I've really got to starve habits down behind (yes, you do) Every time I get another, I just feed it still. I've really got to get that fix out my mind I've really got to starve habits down behind Every time I get another, I just feed it still.
6.
You should let me be your boy Where do I sign to be employed? Around the time we met, I'd lost all hope to love again Now I find an ounce inside, what do I do then? If you let me be your boy I'll send my whole being as an envoy The freedom in your eyes reflects the fact of my life-lime I'll tell them both I'll do my best to not fuck up this time There's something about you that would make me want to give up infinity I want you to be with me Side-by-side inextricably A strawberry on Newton's cradle I'm on the front page, if you're willing and able to Find me, I'm easy I'm right here You should let me be your boy At this point, I know you're annoyed No more skipping through wanted ads or Trends that turn out to be fads, at last
7.
Not Your Man 03:42
You screw your face You think I’m out of place But it’s you, yeah it’s you, yeah it’s you Jealousy Don’t have a thing on me We both know who he really loves and it’s not you Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he was looking at me through the window Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he's not your man He looked at me And it was fate Your dog days Are far too late You can scream bow wow But he likes my meow And I’m sleeping in his bed tonight While you’re on the ground Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he was looking at me through the window Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he's not your man Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he was looking at me through the window Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he's not your man And maybe one day we can Drink from the same bowl And maybe one day we can Snuggle when it’s cold But right now, this is war What I’m fighting for Is his love Is his love Is his love Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he was looking at me through the window Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he's not your man Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he was looking at me through the window Maybe he didn't want to be lonely Maybe he's not your man
8.
Bite my neck, let it bleed right out Now we’re slipping on the floors Go through hell, you say “come out of your shell” And then what? Get into yours? I’m crying I’m dying Can’t you tell? I’m bleeding I’m pleading Oh what the hell Oh what the hell (Hell breaks loose) Oh what the hell (Hell breaks loose) When the sun rears his face, how far will you fall? Break me down just for the thrill of it all There’s a hole where your name was writ Excavate my heart Around my neck just like a noose You burn like hell when it breaks loose Where were you when I needed you? I needed you, I needed you I’m crying I’m dying Can’t you tell? I’m bleeding I’m pleading Oh what the hell Oh what the hell (Hell breaks loose) Oh what the hell (Hell breaks loose) Oh what the hell (Hell breaks loose) Oh what the hell (Hell breaks loose)
9.
You know I’m not perfect I could be better But this is worth it If it means we’ll be together I have a right to be angry When you leave me out of your life I’m not Superman I could be stronger You know that is a fact Wish I had x-ray vision Instead I wear contacts You’re my Kryptonite Wait, is that a bad thing? I’m not Superman Smallville don’t need me Neither does the city I don’t have the power To catch you, falling down from the tower I’d turn the world for thee If I could, if I please I’ve got you, but who’s got me? My own Lex Luthor Pays me minimum wage I could only dream of Making the front page I’ve no Jimmy Olsen But I’ve got Lois Lane Though I’m not Superman I’m not Superman
10.
Daffodils 03:11
There’s nothing like the daffodils To keep you in your dreams until You fall into another There’s nothing like a loving hand Who cares and feels and understands When your head feels-a-smothered Why can’t we go on Without the weeds growing in the way? Why can’t we go on Without worrying about our next day? There’s nothing like the daffodils To hug you when you’re dressed to kill As fervent as can be There’s nothing like a dripping cone As your mouth swells up with foam Those funny allergies! Why can’t we go on Without the wind blowing in the way? Why can’t we go on Without worrying about our next day? Daffodils will love you if you don’t love yourself Daffodils will fill you with good fortune and good health Daffodils are with you from the morning to the night Daffodils will permeate your sight. There’s nothing like a stinging bright Cold in the morning and the night Fold purple and rejoice! Laying down, you feel the touch And nothing can compare to such Why can’t we go on Without the weeds growing in the way? Why can’t we go on Without worrying about our next day? Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, daffodils Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, daffodils Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, daffodils Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, daffodils
11.
I am a man of conviction Your love was my addiction But I just had to let you go I tried to take it the high way Instead I did it my way No one would help me write my show We first crossed paths in an alley A strange feeling of uncanny valley I touched his face, no mirror there. I swear he looked just like me Weary eyes with a dimming light, he And I both had dreadlocked hair. We’re stuck in this zombie town With no graffiti on the walls Both got called the N word At the Walmart by the shopping mall We talked and passed an apothecary who Says this potion bears the will to be Elkton’s kinda shitty, honestly. It’s either fear or anger She ignored me when I rang her And nobody will hire me Well, I did get a job at Chipotle But who wants to work at Chipotle? I need to move away, immediately Our house is under foreclosure Dad got laid off in October Mom left to get back years bygone My cousin Jamar saw his last day Pigs blew down his house of hay Maybe that wolf just wanted sugar after all And that magic wizard man Selling potions from his van Seems more tempting every day As my will starts to slip away Maybe it won’t I must have looked so weathered when I Ran into my clone, he looked better Buzz cut and a bindle, said a leap of faith could soothe our souls I turned away and I hesitated I couldn’t bear a life belated He went on his way alone, Russian roulette has but one goal Concoction by my bedside, finally I feel right at home The wizard man gets half my paycheck, next week he might get some dome Car repossessed, but I was never one to live materially Elkton’s kinda shitty, honestly. I'm reclusive in this lovely town where Thin blue lines adorn the school Heard that the KKK Agreed to fund the nearby pool Does water really cost that much? Why do they stare? I’m simply trying to be Elkton’s kinda shitty honestly. It’s either calm or depressing I try to make the best of it I take an aerosol can I leave my name, they throw a fit Blessed a cop car with pastel pink And this is the thanks I get? What the shit?! My old friend from long before, he says he’s doing better now He’s got a home, real good job, the glass ceiling's as cracked as the book allows A pig rolls out the mud, takes my elixir, moves me into a new apartment for free Elkton’s kinda shitty, honestly. Rebel flags are fading but the flagpoles are still here The thin blue line’s a lynchpin drawn from Emmett ‘till Amir Their ship has long been sailing, but our ship’s long past sunk They left us spare parts in the trunk Let’s make some new shit from that junk Pastel punks Pastel punks Pastel punks Pastel punks
12.
Touchless... 04:05
Touchless The freshest snow Sits weightless On the early road Hopeless For you to try Elopeless Yet you wonder why 'Cause in the fall I'm waiting And you're not around I'm not so special Who do I think I am? A lion waiting to be tamed In the kingdom he thinks he rules Who really deserves to be understood? What makes me think my smile is Hollywood? Take off those rose-colored shades, now ain't that cool? 'Cause in the fall I'm waiting And you're not around I'm not so special Who do I think I am? Bye, bye, baby Bye, bye, baby Bye, bye, baby Bye, bye, bye
13.
Honestly I worry that I ruined your life I showed you love And then I took it away Initially Singularity was like a womb Our higher power was born from that energy Just like the love of money Is at the root of all evil Panic Lies at the root of all failure A ghost haunts my mind Every second of every day So take this song as you would Glossolalia Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Quite frankly I tried to call you a little while back Just to tell you You still have my heart But honestly Why would you want to hear that? When we still Exist apart? Just like the love of money Is at the root of all evil Fear Stands at the root of all anger A ghost haunts my mind Every second of every day At every turn So I don’t turn. Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Jesus is a Black man God is a metaphor Every second of every day

about

songs of revolution from an illegal radio station circa 2079

credits

released February 16, 2024

all songs written and recorded by Rahbert Haynes

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